"I am a survivor of multiple incidents of abuse. As a small child both home and school were dangerous places for me. Edmonton's river valley became a place of sanctuary, peacefulness and safety for me. I walked the trails as a kid and young adult. Then (insult to injury) I was shot in the back of the head while walking in the river valley one autumn afternoon-a random incident of stranger violence. Back in the "olden days" there was no knowledge of PTSD [post-tramatic stress disorder] and its longterm effects-dissociation from one's own self, severe anxiety, insomnia and social isolation are just a few and so I lived for a long time in a kind of void. About a year after being shot I realized I had not been outside other than walking to my car. I began slowly--by jogging around and around the schoolyard in front of my house. I had never run before--I wasn't an athlete by any means. But, I just had to move. Then, I got a dog and, with a bit of company, I began to run the river valley trails I missed and loved. I just couldn't have them taken away from me. Over the years I ran longer and longer distances gradually reclaiming the entire valley as a place of peace for myself. And, when my son became old enough, he became my willing jogging companion. Moving was a lifesaver, and I mean this most sincerely--those of us who live with PTSD know it's darker side, the compulsion towards isolation, self-harming and suicide. I would run, when I felt those urges. I now realize that this was an instinctual coping strategy that kept me connected to my physical body--present and helped me feel safe in the world, something that is challenging for me. I have also, in my adult years, taken up yoga, and sought the help of a personal trainer (as well a a good therapist). Feeling strong in my body helps me to be present--to not dissociate when my out of whack stress response is triggered. It helps me to feel safe, and it helps me to deal positively with a challenging condition--to make some darn good lemonade.
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“It’s one thing to run across Canada, but now, people are really going to know what cancer is.” "It [running] gave me hope and it helped me gain faith in myself and others." "I like to play tag outside. I have to move becasue that's what I am meant to do. You can't just sit down, eat junk food and play video games. YOU NEED TO MOVE! It will make you feel really strong." "I move to be strong! I like to scooter around Wascana park and then play tag in the park. Moving makes me stronger and happier." "I move because sitting around all day reminds me of being sick, and lying around for too long makes me feel like I actually am sick. Because being lazy ultimately doesn't feel luxurious or indulgent to me...it makes me feel foggy, listless, sad, depressed, bored, tired, insatiable." "I move for my mental health. It helps me deal with day-to-day angst, with anxiety, with depression. I move for the natural glow on my face, the feeling of physical accomplishment and mental serenity AND clarity. I move because it's life affirming, soul nurturing, body nourishing." "I am challenged by two autoimmune conditions which make breathing difficult and mobility limited. It's vital to maintain the capabilities I have - can't afford to lose any of my necessary independence. Move it or lose it!! In addition, my mother is 90, has beaten breast cancer thrice and bladder cancer twice! "How I feel being involved [in sport]...it will impact my future." "Keep the little strength I have." |
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